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Chrissy's avatar

They told you

you weren’t welcome

unless you wore your guilt like a tie

and called it healing.

They made God

sound like another man

who'd leave when you didn't say yes

fast enough.

But I heard the shake

in your voice

when you still tried

to call it hope.

You, with your cracked voice

and calloused heart,

were already a goddamn miracle

for surviving love that conditional.

Joey—

you didn’t fail.

You didn’t ruin anything.

You just wanted

a place to sleep

where the smoke wasn’t suffocating,

where a silence didn’t mean

someone loading a gun with your name.

If I had known you then,

I wouldn’t have asked for God.

I would’ve asked if you ate.

I would’ve sat in the fucking circle

with you

and told you

you didn’t need to confess your scars

to be held.

So here’s my voice,

not a dial tone.

Here’s my "stay,"

not an ultimatum.

You are not hard to love.

You just kept trying

to be small enough

for people who only loved

what they could control.

But you—

you’re not small.

You’re tidal.

You’re too much for cages

and that is holy.

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Jäger Take the Wheel's avatar

Been there. My father has a southern drawl that comes out, only when he's pissed though.

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C. James Desmond's avatar

I think accents are always more pronounced when we're upset.

Thanks, friend.

Hope your dad didn't fuck you up too bad.

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Themes and Deviations's avatar

There’s lots of things to believe in. It’s just that god isn’t one of those things.

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C. James Desmond's avatar

Agreed! God never did a damn thing for me.

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Tate Ellis's avatar

God has always been too busy not saving others to save you. Too busy on the customer service line to a billion people.

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C. James Desmond's avatar

Thanks, Tate.

I'm a heathen, a non-believer.

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Victoria's avatar

I hear so many layers of love all mixed up in frustration, worry, addiction - I keep fluctuating back and forth between being a parent, my youth, a medical care provider, a friend - all the ways they marinate in life. The complexity and nuance of relationships. Well done man.

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C. James Desmond's avatar

Thank you, Victoria.

Joseph's father didn't know how to express his sorrow. His generation was taught to be strong and silent. But he was in pain, too. The powerless, overwhelming feeling of losing his son to drugs. Of not understanding why or how it happened.

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